I've started a million projects and haven't completed any.
I have come up with several job ideas and things I want to accomplish and haven't gone after any.
I make lists everyday and not much gets crossed off.
I told Brandon about how I was feeling like I wasn't really doing anything in my life right now and he said, "Well, you are being a good mommy to your babies" and that is just what I needed to hear.
The most important thing to me in the world is my family. I want my babies to be happy, healthy and have fun. I have so many things on my bucket list I want to accomplish, but none of those are as important as taking care of my kids. I need to remember this sometimes
I get so caught up looking at what other people are doing on blogs, facebook, twitter, and whatever that I seem to loose touch with reality. The internet is my escape I feel like. I get on it and slip into another world, somebody else's world that feels so much better then mine, and that is so stupid to think. All it takes is for me to go back and look at pictures of my life and it's like a reality check.
I am starting to take a step back and really focus on what's important. I have everything I've ever wanted in life, truly. Beautiful kids, hard working husband, warm house, cute dog, the ocean out my back door....I could go on and on. I can't believe that it is hard for me to feel content! Why?! I never thought that I would have to work on being happy with what I had. So weird, and so selfish.
I have a long way to go, but I am trrryyyyiiiinnnggg. Anyway, that was weird I just started typing and that all came out. I'm going to bed now before I start making confessions or something, yikes.
5 comments:
Oh my, you just wrote down exactly what's been going on in my head. You have a good way with words. Oh and I love reading about you and your little family:)
Awesome. Because it is how everyone feels. Which is why I only have 30 minutes of computer time a day! Your reality is your best reality.=)
Oh I love you Courtney :) I was feeling this same way a few weeks ago, so I found this really cute saying on a cute background. I printed it out and framed it in my kitchen window where I can see it multiple times a day. It goes like this, "Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for."
Not saying I'm fixed, but it's helping :) lol
Your so cute! A lady at church said this the other day..."They aren't keeping your from your work, they are your work" when she was talking about her kids. It hit home as I have been struggling on if I was going to go back to work. I thought it was a great quote :) Miss you guys!
Hey Courtney! I've just been catching up on your blog and it's really weird how your thoughts mirror mine almost exactly. My goal this year was to "do hard things", too. Like surfing. But seriously, it's so cold. ha ha maybe this summer. :-) And things that I have done in my past totally freak me out now! I'm sure that has something to do with being a mom...
Maybe it's because we are both wife's of student husbands but it's hard to see people settled and know we just aren't there yet. Most of the time I'm ok with it- I feel like some people who are all settled wish they could have a little adventure and we are lucky to have so many more to come before we finish school and buy a house. I wish we could have another baby but apparently now's not the time. I know when this chapter of our life is over we can look into more options but it's difficult feeling like our hands are tied and seeing other people out there popping them out like crazy and proclaiming that they are "seriously so blessed".
It's hard to get a job knowing things are so temporary, too. And it's almost like I feel like I could be doing MORE than just waiting for my boys to come home from school and cook and clean. But really, that's what they both need right now. Since we have no friends or family out here I'm their only source of support and I can't let them down by stretching myself too thin.
I've found that as long as I'm giving myself enough time everyday to read my scriptures, pray, and have a nice dinner with a meaningful bed time routine I am content. This might not be the "best" time of my life but we are doing what's necessary to reach our end goal.
Sorry for the long post but I just feel this weird connection to you and felt this was a "safe place" to kind of express myself. Few people, I think, would understand my feelings like you will.
I want to thank you again for letting us stay at your place! We had such a good time and you were seriously a life saver. I appreciate how real you are Courtney and hope we can finally hang out sometime this year! (We will hopefully be back in May)
Keep up the challenges and let us know what new experiences you are having! xoxo
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